Green
by hanjuuluver
Summary: A look into the daily life and thoughts of Envy. What is his main job in Dante's plans? why does he hate Ed so much? can be taken in 2 ways, so it can be rated either k or T, so I'm marking it as K. please note this. I don't want to get in trouble for it.


This is a challenge fic for me, by me, and in a weird way, about me. Why the last one? My friends and I are so obsessed that we named each other after FMA characters and are required to act like the character very often. NinjaSquirls is Ed, Jane Austen Girl is Al, Happy-Moogle-Mustang is Roy (clearly), and I am Envy. And my other friend is Riza simply because she would shoot me and call it fun. I have such great friends.

Anyhoo, if you pay close enough attention to this fic, you can take it in two different ways. One way is rated K, the other, less obvious version, is rated T. I'm going to go halfway and call it K+ for the main rating. However, you should be aware of the fact that it could be taken as a higher rating. Please don't get emotionally traumatized and go report me for rating a T fic as K+, because I'm telling you right now that it's both.

**Disclaimer: If I told you that I was the real owner of FMA, would anyone believe me? No, because I suck, and couldn't possibly be ingenious enough to come up with the wonder that is FMA, nor would I bother writing a fic, as I could just make it into an episode.**

**Warning: if you did not just read the intro, you really should, because it's important, and I don't feel like repeating myself.**

GREEN

It is a common fallacy: homunculi have no need for money. It is, however, correct that most homunculi don't earn money. Key word there, MOST. I do all the earning – the others do nothing. Why? Well, think about it a minute.

Wrath: too young to work. Like anyone would hire the brat anyway. He has absolutely no manners. No one would ever take him on even if he was older..

Sloth: too lazy. Oh, and she already works for Pride. Not like he pays her, though. He keeps all the money for himself.

Pride: Again, already works, and he uses all the money (that he doesn't give to anyone else) to support his "family." Useless, if you ask me. Not that anyone does.

Greed: Don't know. Haven't seen the guy for a long time. Not that I care. We hardly ever saw him anyway. No big loss there.

Gluttony: Even a _human_ can figure _that_ one out.

Lust: Dante keeps her busy stalking the pipsqueak. Too bad, really. She is actually **_very_** talented. She actually taught me some of my skills.

So then there's me: Envy. I am the only available option, and so I'm stuck doing all the earning. I am a Jack-of-All-Trades. I make the clothes, fix the plumbing, knit, sew, cook, do everyone's haircuts (except Wrath, obviously), and anything else that needs to get done. How does money fit into this, you ask? Think about it, genius. To make the clothes for Dante and the others, I need to buy cloth and thread, and a sewing machine if I ever have enough saved. Plumbing? You need tools! Knitting and sewing? A variety of needles, yarn, patterns, and etc. For cooking, groceries.

Another common misconception is that homunculi don't need to eat. Technically, this is true, as we cannot die. Well, at least not _that _easily. However, it is _not _a pleasant feeling to be starving to death but never actually dying, so eating becomes more or less a necessity. Not to mention Dante who really _does_ need to eat, but is too "important" to go out and earn any money herself, the bitch. And the fact that Gluttony doesn't have enough to eat when he's actually home (in contrast to when he's stalking Lust who's stalking the shrimp) so he has a tendency to eat my mattress and then I'm stuck sleeping on the floor or on the roof of the mansion. Not fun.

Most idiots would now ask why I bother earning the money when I could just steal it. Don't you think it would be rather hard to spend money everyone knows you stole? Not to mention the fact that if you go around stealing all the time there's a hell of a chance you'll end up getting caught, and the bodies get really hard to hide after a while. The _least_ complicated thing to do is just earn the money in whatever way you can, and so that's what I do.

I sell my wares on a street corner 24 hours from Friday to Monday. I make full use of all my skills, talents, and the things I pick up along the way. Nights are always the longest, and they're the hardest times to work. You'd be surprised at how many people roam the streets at night. It's my busiest time.

I find shape-shifting very useful in my profession. It helps me cater to all sorts of people. Guys, girls, gay guys, gay girls, I'm compatible with all of them. As for me, I don't have much choice in the matter. They're the customers, and I need the money. It's hard to support five to seven people and simultaneously keep the house running in decent condition. I hardly ever get any sleep, and when I do, I have to make the most of it. Sometimes Dante requires my assistance for various tasks that draw me away from work, like that time she needed me to fill in for the fatso-priest Cornillo.

It was better than my regular line of work in many ways, I must admit. Which made it that much harder to go back. Back to the long hours of trying to make ends meet, back to those customers who always act nice and polite and then promise to come around again someday. They never do. Not that I'd ever expect more from them. Humans are all alike. That's exactly why I hate them. They lie and cheat. Out of all the creatures out there, they are the only ones who will kill their own kind out of pure selfishness, or worse yet, for the "Greater Good," the damn fools. When will they realize good can not exist without evil, and the greater the good, the greater the evil that accompanies it. Aren't they the ones who claim to live by "equivalent exchange?"

I can't believe I just said that. Life is _far_ from equivalent. If it was equivalent, why would homunculi exist? Hell, why would I have died in the first place? Because there is no such thing as "equivalent," and I hate all those who act like there actually is.

Yes, I hate Edward Elric. I hate him more than I hate my father! Why? Because he doesn't even know how good he has it. He's got friends, family, someone he can trust infinitely, and he doesn't even see it! He never has to worry about money the way I do. The military pays their dogs well. Sure, he's had hard times, but so have other people, some worse than he could imagine.

Now, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have a job to do.

FIN

So, how'd you like it? I named it green for money and green for envy, both references to Envy. It got a little more into Envy's character that I was originally planning, but hey, when your muse starts holding you at gunpoint and tells you make it longer and to get creative, things like this tend to happen. Well, drop a review and let me know what you think. Heck, just click the button and put down random letters so I at least know who's reading it! Example of random words: wouehfdsf. See, that isn't hard, now is it? I have a tendency to browse the stories of those who review, and it is not uncommon for me to leave them a review in turn.


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